


Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

by TheBoyWhoWalksInTheLight



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Gen, Hugs, Reconciliation, Unsaid Emily, You can fight me on that, a side of reggie ray friendship, luke finally gets to hug his mother, luke's love language is physical touch and affection, the phantoms become corporeal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:20:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29676198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBoyWhoWalksInTheLight/pseuds/TheBoyWhoWalksInTheLight
Summary: When Julie had shared his words with his parents, she gave them some kind of closure. But he still misses them. And he didn't get to sing those words to them himself. He didn't get to hold them and be held by them the way he so desperately wishes for.AKA the boys become corporeal and Luke sings Unsaid Emily to his mom. hugs ensue.
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters, Julie Molina & Luke Patterson, Ray Molina & Reggie Peters
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61





	Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! I've wanted to write an unsaid emily fic since, like, ever, but I finally did it! So here's that.
> 
> Title is from Shrike by Hozier. I'll stop naming my fics after Hozier lyrics the day they stop being relevant. The whole lyric is: I couldn't utter my love when it counted/oh but I'm singing like a bird bout it now. It just felt applicable so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Anywho, please enjoy!

After the Orpheum performance, life changes a bit. (A lot.) They can touch Julie now, for one. They're all excited about this particular development, Luke not the least of all. (In the whole time that he'd known and begun to love Julie, there was a constant needling lack where he was unable to show without words his admiration, his appreciation, his affection. )

And then comes the realisation that they remain visible for some time after they play. The day after the Orpheum, the boys follow Julie inside after practice, watching hungrily as she gathers food for a snack. The growls from Luke's non-existent stomach seem to reverberate through his entire body. The kitchen counter plays host to his ghost butt as he watches Julie make her PB&J while Reggie and Alex bicker light-heartedly about something or other on the other side of the kitchen. Despite his empty stomach, a small, contented smile affixes itself to his face.

"So, Jules," he says after a minute or so.

"Mmm?" she says through a mouthful of sandwich, not looking up from her phone. He knocks a knee into her elbow gently. He's rewarded with a fond scowl.

"I was thinking we should start setting up some more gigs, do some hustling, y'know."

Julie's face lights up. "Yeah! I was just looking through my emails and we've already had some bookers contact us after last night!"

Luke hops off the counter, suddenly energised, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "That's great! We should -"

He's cut off by Ray's entrance. He's looking down at his phone but when he looks up, his eyes land directly on Luke and then glance over to Reggie and Alex. They return quickly to Julie.

"Oh! Hi, boys. Julie didn't tell me you were visiting."

All of them, including Julie, freeze.

After a beat of tense silence, Julie speaks up. "You - you can see them?"

Ray scoffs a little, not unkindly. "Of course I can see them, what kind of question is that? You should've let me know they'd be here - I would have offered to pick them up from the airport."

Julie casts her gaze around the kitchen, looking at each of them as if asking permission. Luke places a reassuring hand on her shoulder blade. She looks up at him and he nods a little. Her spine straightens under his palm and she turns resolutely to her father.

"I have something to tell you."

~~~

Eventually, they had faded out, no longer visible to anyone except Julie. Since that day, Reggie will make a b-line to the kitchen after every evening practices. He'll sit at the island bench, chatting with Ray. _And Ray talks back_. They get to have actual freaking conversations! Where Reggie says something and Ray will answer! The first (several) times it happens, Reggie's chest feels strangely constricted.

So they talk about nothing and everything as Ray cooks. (Julie's noticed that his dinners have become more elaborate, taking longer to make. She doesn't mention it.) Sometimes Alex will join them, sometimes Luke too. But mostly, it's Reggie and Ray.

"Ray?" Reggie asks one day.

"Yes, mijo?"

Normally, that term of endearment would make him feel fuzzy and warm inside but - "What were your parents like?"

Ray glances up at him from the chopping board but continues on, keeping his tone light. "Well, they were pretty strict. But they were kind and they loved me. I miss them all the time."

"Oh," Reggie says, picking at the skin around his fingernails.

Ray puts down the knife. "Why do you ask?"

Reggie's eyes are unfocused, staring blindly at a spot on the countertop. Ray moves around the island to sit in the chair next to him.

"Reg, what's up?" His voice is warm and kind and Reggie feels like he's shattering but all his pieces stay frozen in place.

"My parents weren't - they - they didn't show me much affection, I guess? And they fought a lot. And-and shouted. Like a lot. I thought it was normal as a kid but I see what you're like with Julie and Carlos and-and I wish-" Reggie cuts himself off, unable to verbalise his thoughts.

Without thinking, Ray reaches out a hand to Reggie's shoulder. And it _connects_. Reggie can feel the living heat of Ray's palm through his flannel. His head whips around to look at Ray, eyes wide and mouth falling open in a perfect oh. Ray's eyes crinkle with a heady mix of surprise, elation and deepest affection.

Without hesitation, he pulls Reggie into a tight, impossibly warm hug. Reggie burrows his head into Ray's chest, clinging to him as if his (after)life depends on it. He can't help the overwhelmed, bordering-hysterical tears that bubble up.

"Oh, mijo," Ray murmurs over and over again, rubbing circles into his back.

Reggie's not convinced he would have ever let go except that Alex poofs into the kitchen.

"Hey, Reg-" He freezes when he sees the scene in front of him.

"Alex!" Ray exclaims, keeping one arm wrapped around Reggie. "C'mere."

"Okay…" Alex hesitantly steps towards Ray, but allows himself to be pulled into a hug alongside Reggie. Despite his tentativeness, he feels his very bones relax at the love so freely given. He hugs back.

"Wait until we tell Julie," he chuckles.

~~~

They test it out with others, of course. To make sure it's not just Ray and Julie who can see and touch them. The boys are ecstatic to finally be able to talk with Flynn and Carlos properly and Flynn, for her part, is taking advantage of free piggy-back rides.

"It's nice that I get to look at them more. They really are very pretty," Flynn sighs to Julie, her face mock-serious. "It's too bad that I'm a huge lesbian."

Julie snorts and they break out into uncontrolled giggles.

~~~

Luke is a touchy kind of person. His words are only any good when he gets to figure them out with pen and paper first. At least that's how he feels. But he can communicate so much through a hug, a casual arm slung around someone's shoulders, an encouraging pat on the back, the holding of a hand.

It had hurt something deep in his chest that day after Julie had given Emily his song when their hands passed right through one another. He wanted to express what he couldn't with his words. To show Julie how much he loves her and how much he appreciates her. It had forced him to step back to find his (inadequate, feeble, underwhelming) words. It had also hurt - not the same sharp pain, but an old familiar ache - when he'd sung to his mother but been unable to wrap her up in his arms at the end of it. To say through his embrace _I love you, I'm sorry._

Time had passed since then. Things had changed. Fundamental things that drastically affect how they exist in the world. And that had got him thinking.

He debated it in his mind for weeks. When Julie had shared his words with his parents, she gave them some kind of closure. The ability to move on knowing that he'd still loved them, even as he died. He is so, unimaginably grateful for that. And he doesn't want to reopen old wounds, doesn't want them to live in the past. But. But he still misses them. And he didn't get to sing those words to them himself. He didn't get to hold them and be held by them the way he so desperately wishes for.

He's made his decision.

"Hey, Julie?"

"Yes, Luke?"

"I need your help with something."

~~~

Once again, Luke finds himself on his parents' front doorstep beside Julie.

"You ready for this?" she asks him, looking at him intently.

He pushes a breath from his chest and shakes out his limbs. "Yeah, I am." He reaches forward with tremulous fingers, as he had the first time, and presses the doorbell. The quietness of the street is disguised by the rushing in his ears and the rapid movement of his chest. Julie notices.

Without a word, she tucks her hand behind her back and wiggles her fingers. Luke smiles gratefully and takes her carefully hidden hand in his. His shoulders relax a little.

The door opens. His mom stands there, looking at them. Well, not at _them._ At Julie. _Soon_ , he tells himself.

"Oh! Julie! It's so good to see you. How are you?"

Julie smiles, she wouldn't tell Luke this, but she can see him in the curve of Emily's smile and the crinkle of her eyes. "Hi, Mrs Patterson! I'm good, thanks."

Emily flaps her hand at Julie a little bit in a motherly way. "Oh, please. Call me Emily. Come on in, dear."

Luke shuffles into his house behind Julie, hands still intertwined.

"Can I get you a drink, Julie? Tea, water?" Her smile is sincere and comforting. Luke aches.

"I'm okay, thanks." Her hand tightens a little around Luke's. She's nervous, he realises.

"Now, what can I do for you?"

Julie's head twitches to the side a little, as if she's restraining herself from glancing back at Luke. He steps around a little so he's in her field of vision, keeping his hand tucked behind her back.

"That - that song I gave you. From Luke? I was wondering - I'm in a band and I-I was wondering if we could play it for you. And Mr Patterson, of course. If-if you wanted."

Emily's hand had come up to her chest, fingers twisted in her necklace. A single tear skates down her cheek and Luke longs to step forward and wipe it away. Julie's thumb strokes over the back of his hand.

Emily wipes at her face. "Sorry, sorry." She sniffs a little and takes a deep breath. "That would - that would mean the world to me. I - thank you. I would love to listen to his music. He was always so talented and I -" She cuts herself off, more tears brimming over. Luke can feel tears staining his own face.

Julie glances at Luke briefly before taking a step towards Emily, dropping Luke's hand. "Emily," she says, tentatively. "I know you don't really know me but can I give you a hug?"

The clouds that hover around Emily become edged in silver, lit from behind by her smile. Julie steps into Emily's space and wraps her arms around her, pulling her close. Holding her like she would her own mother if she could see her again. Luke's tears only get heavier but there's a helium lightness in his chest.

~~~

After the tears had been wiped away, a time had been organised. The following evening, the Pattersons would visit their studio. Luke wasn't freaking out. At all. Not even a little bit. Nope.

"Luke," Reggie says, sitting down on the couch next to him. "It'll be alright, man. We've got this."

Luke's elbows remain propped up on his knees, fingers tangled through his hair. He says nothing. Reggie places a reassuring hand on his back. Alex drifts over from where he'd been absentmindedly tapping at his drum kit and sits on Luke's other side.

Alex also places a hand on his back. Instantly, he notes the rapid up and down movement of Luke's ribcage. He quickly drops to the floor to sit cross-legged at Luke's feet.

"Hey," he says. "Luke, look at me." He presses a hand into Luke's forearm to get his attention. Luke finally looks up, eyes a watery grey-blue, hands now cupping his own face. "Breathe with me, Luke." Alex begins to breathe in and out slowly, carefully. Reggie takes Alex's cue and begins to do the same, matching breaths with him.

Although his chest still shudders with held-back sobs, Luke begins to breathe too. They keep on like this, all breathing in sync until Alex feels like the cobwebs have been cleared out of his chest and Luke stops trembling.

Eventually, Luke looks between them, face raw and earnest. "Thanks, boys." His voice is a little hoarse, gritty around the edges.

None of them say much for a while. Instead, they all crowd together on the couch, folded into one another. For the first time in a long time, they sleep.

~~~

"Julie!" Ray's voice rings out from the house like the eerie gonging of a church bell, at least to Luke's ears. "You have visitors!"

"Julie-" Luke's eyes are wide and panicked. "This is a bad idea. Why'd you let me--"

"Luke," Julie interrupts him, bracing her hands on his upper arms, looking him in the eye. "You'll be fine. I'll be right back." She throws a meaningful look to Alex and Reggie who quickly come up on either side of him, flanking him, lending him their steadiness. Julie slowly backs out of the studio, eyes not leaving his until she turns around to walk up the path.

"C'mon," Alex says, tugging Luke's arm slightly after a moment. "Let's get set up."

Each of them slides into their place, instruments at the ready.

Luke squints into the fading light of the setting sun, clutching the neck of his guitar. His breathe vaults from his chest sharply as three figures step through the doorway and their edges resolve into solid lines. Something in his ribcage twinges at the worn lines of his parents' faces that chronicle years he never got to see.

Julie is speaking to them, something along the lines of trust me and don't freak out. He can barely hear her through the rushing in his head. She ushers them into chairs and steps behind the keyboard, beginning to play a soft intro as they had rehearsed.

As he begins to strum his guitar, the familiar vibration against his stomach soothes him. Words begin to spill from his lips as if they were caught at the end of a fishing line that was being reeled in to shore.

_First things first_

_We start the scene in reverse_

He sees the exact moment he becomes visible to his parents by the way they freeze like statues where they sit. He locks eyes with his mom for the first time in forever. His voice floats out clear and strong.

_All of the lines rehearsed_

_Disappeared from my mind_

_When things got loud_

_One of us running out_

_I should've turned around_

_But I had too much pride_

A hicuppy sob tears itself from Emily's lungs and Mitch clutches at her.

_No time for goodbyes_

_Didn't get to apologize_

_Pieces of a clock that lies broken_

His heart spasms but the gentle rhythm of Julie's piano makes him feel resolute. Sure. Steady.

_If I could take us back, if I could just do that_

_And write in every empty space the words "I love you" in replace_

_Then maybe time would not erase me_

_If you could only know I never let you go_

_And the words I most regret are the ones I never meant to leave_

_Unsaid Emily_

Emily's hand flies up to cover her mouth as if to hold back the rising tide. " _Luke_ ," she breathes. He smiles at her sadly.

The thrum of Reggie's bass and the beat of Alex's drums is followed by his parents' gasps as the boys come into view.

_Silent days, mysteries and mistakes_

_Who'd be the first to break?_

_I guess we're alike that way_

Emily chuckles wetly at that lyric and Mitch's arm tightens around her shoulder.

_He said, she said_

_Conversations in my head_

_And that's just where they're gonna stay forever_

Emily's hands fall to her chest, rubbing as if trying to soothe an ache.

At the crescendo of the final chorus, Luke can practically hear his heart shatter in his chest. Emily's trembling mouth gives way to another sob and she crumples into Mitch, still watching her son.

When the song draws to an end, Luke carefully sets his guitar down, stepping towards his parents, unsure.

" _Mom_." His voice is barely more than a whisper. Emily rises, standing face to face with him. She reaches a hand out as if to touch his cheek but stops short. They stand there a long moment, looking at one another until Luke moves forward to close the gap. He places his face in her hand, allowing her thumb to trace along his cheek. She gasps at the contact as if she doesn't believe her own senses. Mitch steps forward too, eyes wide and incredulous, placing his hand on the other cheek.

They study his face, looking at all the ways it hasn't changed, seeing the weight of what has. Emily's hand moves across his face, along his eyebrow, brushing at the ends of his hair.

"Luke," she says again, breathlessly.

It's this that causes him to break. He moves forward, wrapping his arms around her. Her shuddering sobs shake both of their bodies. Each tear that trickles onto his chest seeps into his cracks like rain on parched land left barren by drought. The cracks don't disappear but they get smaller and less painful.

Suddenly, they are both wrapped in the long, warm arms of his father, cradling them together. His face drops to the top of Luke's head.

After a century or so of holding and being held, they break apart. A laugh bubbles up out of Luke's chest, edged in hysteria. When he looks over at the rest of his band, he sees them all wiping at their faces, lit up by tender smiles.

Emily steps back a little but doesn't go far, electing to clasp one of Luke's hands as though he were apt to disappear at a moment's notice. He supposes it isn't too far from the truth.

"H-how is this possible?" Mitch asks, looking from him to the others. Emily does the same, once again noticing Alex and Reggie.

"Boys," she says with the kind of motherly authority no parent forgets. "Come here." She opens her arms to them to tuck them into an embrace. She may have had concerns about Luke's band but that doesn't mean she didn't love his bandmates like her own sons. Alex and Reggie fall gladly into her, squeezing tight.

Julie stands from her place behind the keyboard, clutching her arms across her stomach. "Julie," Emily says over the tops of the boys' heads. "I - how - I … thank you."

Julie ducks her head in acknowledgement of Emily's words but just looks on with a bittersweet expression.

Turning back to her son, Emily opens her mouth, words trickling out slowly. "Luke. You - you're -"

"A ghost," he offers up in explanation.

"Then how can I -"

"We're still trying to figure that out. It's kinda freaking me out, honestly," Alex provides.

"Yeah," says Reggie, fiddling with the strap of his bass. "Apparently the rules of being a ghost are not set in stone."

"Mom," Luke says feeling jittery and urgent. "Mom, I'm so sorry for running away. I'm so so sorry."

Emily's face is soft and her hands cup his cheeks. "No, I'm sorry for not being more supportive of your dreams. I love you so much."

Luke's eyes sting with new tears. "I love you, Mom." He looks to his father. "I love you too, Dad." Luke draws them both back into a warm embrace, holding them as close as he can.

When he glances at the rest of his family, he sees Julie pressed into Reggie's chest, bracketed on the other side by Alex. Surrounded on all sides by those he loves, he feels the rush of blood in his veins and the steady rhythm in his chest. He feels _alive_.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed that. If you did, I'll love you forever if you leave me a comment!
> 
> Okay. Cool. Be good, be safe, be kind. Bye!


End file.
